The Great Escapists: Part Two

Could the Midlands be deprived of a Premiership club by season's end, and is Garry Monk the right man to fix a fractured Swansea City?

Swansea City

 

The background

Garry Monk heads into the new campaign with a fresh mandate following the alarming slide in form under Michael Laudrup, which saw the club flirting with relegation whilst providing a backdrop for some decidedly soap-opera goings-on. Farces such as punch-ups between players is unlikely to be tolerated by a player who's captained the side at every level but is arguably yet to find his feet at the highest level.

 

Why are they candidates?

Nothing beats experience when it comes to high-pressure jobs, and a promotion from within is usually a tacit admission of interested candidates lacking quality. Monk has some admirable qualities but some of the numbers aren't pretty; Swansea lost by one goal more times than any other side last season (12) and they went without a win in nine, only arrested with three wins from the final four games. Quality players in Vorm and Davies have left for Spurs and Michu has pitched up at Champions League chasers Napoli.



Why will they stay up?

Monk has talked about re-integrating his players into the club's much-admired conduct on and off the pitch and reasserting what he no doubt sees as the greater cause. You'd expect no less from a man who made more starts for Swansea than the rest of his six clubs put together, and Tony Pulis has shown how far attitude can determine capability on a football pitch.

 

More tangible solace comes in the form of Bafetimbi Gomis, who has finally entered the Premier League after dozens of column inches in transfer gossip, signed on a free from Lyon. Monk is keen on a more directive style of play and Gomis and Bony should provide that in buckets. 

 

Who will they rely on?

The aforementioned Ivorian will be essential to Swansea carrying on as a Premier League club, and the return of Sigurdsson and Ki will add dynamism a side that occasionally thought a little too laterally last season.

 

Potential abounds in Shelvey and Fabianski, both arrived from clubs where pressure is the day job  An England side in transition may particularly benefit from the range of distribution Shelvey can offer. But the

 

Aston Villa

 

The background

It feels ridiculous to be writing about Aston Villa - average home attendance last season 36,080 - as relegation candidates, but there is nothing ceremonial about top-tier football when it comes to the drop, as Leeds, Newcastle and Man City will all attest.

 

The club appears riddled with a few ailments that did for that trio - a lack of spending after the gold rush saw nothing but Thursday nights in Russia and a 7-0 battering from Chelsea, a depleted playing squad, and a manager who has lost the faith of his followers following another deeply underwhelming season and the now-obligatory cup humiliation. It doesn't look good for Paul Lambert.

 

Why are they candidates?

The statistics are enough to make Lambert managerial casualty number one in very short order. Under his stewardship Villa have conceded 130 goals in two years. No player scored more than ten league goals last season - and that was Christian Benteke, who didn't play after April. And forget David Moyes and crossing - under Lambert Villa played 1292 long balls last season, by far and away the most in the league.

 

And that's before looking at whether the squad's equipped for another fight. Thanks mainly to Lerner's wish to sell up and move on, the squad has all the depth of a child's paddling pool. Alan Hutton and Darren Bent have been reintroduced to the squad after being marginalised by Lambert. And Kieran Richardson, Philippe Senderos, Joe Cole and Aly Cissokho appear to the equivalent of the sticky, unwrapped sweets that stick to the hand after rummaging around an empty tin.

 

Why will they stay up?

Why indeed? But if they do stay up, it's likely to have something to do with the spine of his team. In Guzan, Vlaar, Delph and Benteke Villa have a strong spine to the team, and in Vlaar one of the players of the World Cup (albeit in a 5-3-2 formation). There is creativity in the form of Andreas Weimann, and the return of Libor Kozak will be like a new signing after his disastrous introduction last year.

 

Villa also possess one of the better records against the top four. In eight games last year Villa collected 10 out of a possible 24 points - absolutely crucial considering they averaged less than a point per match in their other thirty.

 

Villa fans will hope to see more goals from Christian Benteke

Who will they rely on?

Vlaar and Benteke have undoubtedly been Lambert's stellar signings and on them Villa's best hopes hang. The Belgian is one of the stronger finishers in the league with 29 goals from 56 appearances for Villa, and if Lambert can find a way of utilising Vlaar in the sweeper capacity Van Gaal did during the World Cup, they stand a chance of significantly improving their position, especially with the consistently excellent Guzan in goal.

 

West Brom

 

The background

Whilst it's debatable anyone from outside the West Midlands knows what links the phrase 'boing boing' with the Baggies, it's not their recent league status. But West Brom begin their sixth consecutive Premier League season as candidates for the drop following a quiet summer. The focus on Alan Irvine's appointment feels premonitory and West Brom cannot afford to get another appointment wrong following a ropy campaign under Pepe Mel.

 

Why are they candidates?

Whilst the club have invested significant sums in players and management last season, few of their decisions worked out. Anichebe and Sessegnon both represented gambles and the dismissal of Pepe Mel after the dismissal of Steve Clarke earlier in the season did nothing for the team's confidence.

The statistics were similarly undistinguished. The side shared the lowest number of games won - 7 - with relegated Cardiff last year, and conceded nearly 60% of all their goals in the first half. They also lost 5 points from goals scored after the 90th minute. - a trifling sum over the course of the season perhaps, but with those extra 5 pints they would have finished 13th.

Why will they stay up?

For West Brom, the case for the defence is a rather more literal term. It's no exaggeration to say their three most impotant players this years will all be expressed charged with stopping the opposition scoring. Ben Foster signing a new deal for the season is a huge fillip for the club, having averaged a saves-to-shots ratio of 65%.

Claudio Yacob was one of the league's best tacklers last year

The signing of Joleon Lescott is a coup for sporting director Richard Garlick, under pressure from fans after some underwhelming signings in January, and in Claudio Yacob the team retain an intelligent footballer who was ranked one of the division's best defensive midfielders by Opta last season, averaging an amazing 82.35% of tackles won (from 22 games admittedly) and completing 87% of his passes. West Brom must hang on to him and keep him fit after various injuries last year.

Who will they rely on?

Richard Garlick's probably the only man in the Midlands, if not England, who felt that Victor Anichebe was worth £6million, but that sort of outlay demands a return and Anichebe will really need to deliver better than the sort of form he managed at Everton, where he scored 18 goals in 131 matches over eight years. On previous form however, it's likely the side will see better results from Saido Berahino who, having made more starts from the bench than any other player last year, had a debut campaign to remember.

Otherwise all are likely to be on how the aforementioned trio of Foster, Yacob and Lescott get on. Although the centre half made a couple of errors that are best described as easily avoided last season at Manchester City, there's no doubting his capability against the sides West Brom simply must get points off to stay up - particularly those fighting relegation prospects.

Pics thanks to the BBC, Mirror.co.uk and Wales Online

A Dressing Down

Match of the Day is a window into the heart of the eminently reversible decline of men's high street fashion

Saturday night was the first time I've seen Match of the Day in about two years. Following football journalists on Twitter meant I had a fairly good idea of the standard of 'analysis' I was to expect from the BBC institution, which mostly seemed to comprise of lines indicating where a player was running to and from, and little blue and red spots to tell you they were on the pitch.

Tragic misapplication of the BBC budget notwithstanding, I did notice at least something interesting after about 15 minutes. It was Alan Shearer's jumper, scruffily unbuttoned shirt and shaved head.

Interesting because in my eyes, he looked like he was on a night out in Huddersfield or the like doing top shelf shots rather than presenting a football highlights programme. Non-football fans: I recognise that my expectations may be somewhat foolish. We're not talking Newsnight or the Channel Four news here, I know.

After that I mainly stopped listening to Shearer, Gary Lineker and Alan Hansen (in that order) and started analysing the sartorial decisions of the cast: I am of the belief that football needs smarter men (if you want, there's a double entendre there) and that frankly this open shirt at the throat business has gone on long enough. Never mind all this sport: what were the managers wearing?

Below seems to confirm my worst fears about the state of British men's fashion; it's all gone to hell and Next has got its talons into the shuddering carcass, hacking away at the tailoring wearing a lumberjack shirt with a tracksuit hood attached to it. Here's what the Premier League's managers are wearing in 2013. For some of them, it's not so different from 1974.

Here's Alan Pardew in a distinctly funereal black suit and tie combo. I get that Newcastle aren't doing that great at the moment Alan, but this Dickensian ensemble does you no favours. The shirt is well selected in proportion to the tie knot- it looks like a half Windsor, but there's no adventure here. The knot itself is too tight for me bearing in mind his team's predicament. The jacket reaffirms a somewhat puritanical vibe. It doesn't help that Pardew has steely grey hair; the monochrome styling belies a distinctly conservative look. That's the natural response when you're near the bottom - 'back to basics' (also a Conservative Party election theme) but really, get some pink in there. And a full Windsor, some loafers and a navy suit. The dressing room must be flat as a pancake.

Here's his counterpart Chris Hughton. Again an anonymous black suit coupled with white shirt and a yellow tie. A manager demonstrating his emotional attachment to his team through a coloured tie is common, and I feel for Hughton. He's undoubtedly got the hardest sartorial challenge in the Premier League. You can't even get a really bright yellow tie because, frankly, it'd be horrible. The V neck is the go to for those football managers who coach quick passing football without resorting to long balls and set pieces. Effectively it's a vanguard statement in English football; if you're wearing one, you discuss false nines and 4-2-3-1 formations like you just ate them for breakfast. You certainly don't see Sam 'Opta' Allardyce wearing one.

Ah, now this is a bit more like it. A man who speaks no less than five languages and is considered one of the greats of contemporary football, Swansea's Michael Laudrup (there's a pairing you wouldn't have envisaged a decade ago) ticks all the boxes for continental manager, without losing his northern European stylings. Smart Barbour-style coat? Check. Contrasting yet discreet jumper/ trouser combination? Check. Shirt with no tie worn properly beneath said V neck? Present. Laudrup could probably pass for an A list actor with his looks but that coat for me is the key to his style; a heritage staple (i.e. self-awareness) over a look that belies both intelligence and style. Sums up Swansea nicely.

Sam Allardyce looks a bit like my dearly deceased uncle, who ran a successful carpet-fitting business for years until his retirement. One of the only men who actually looks weird without a moustache, Allardyce's philosophy is captured plainly here. The tie knot is just big enough for the collar but again the black suit belies the staid Gary Cooper-esque outlook on life. The hue of the tie reminds me of a cut of beef on a butcher's hook, or an incredibly awful carpet in my uncle's warehouse. Allardyce is in/famous for his statistic-based approach to football, achieving success through intensely dull football at Bolton Wanderers. This sledgehammer approach to subtlety is the embodiment of his style. He is bloody consistent at least.

Oh Paul. What decade do you think this is? Aston Villa's Paul Lambert, presumably channelling the PE teacher look here with his tracksuit. Villa's predicament is currently a gloomy one - they lost again this weekend, this time at home to promoted Southampton. The tracksuit is the staple of the man who isn't afraid to roll up his sleeves - largely because he's not wearing a £500 jacket and you can't see the creases. Inevitably there's a psychological element at play here - both the perpetuation of youth and the open-minded philosophies that follow (although there's surely a sad irony here given the cultural inferences of the tracksuit in Britain, admittedly largely propagated by a conservative press) and the self-awareness at wearing this pitchside two-piece - suggesting humility, a closeness to the roots and spirit of the game. Of course, it's still just a tracksuit, and Villa are still a point off the relegation zone. So if you're going for a tracksuit, maybe something a bit more daring eh Paul? Your players have got to BELIEVE after all.

I might watch MotD, as the parlance goes, next weekend. I might not. I'm pretty sure of one thing though; when no other major football highlights programme has presenters without ties, you know you've gone out on a limb. Wardrobe: get these chaps to Charles Tyrwhit stat, and introduce them to Gary Neville. I never thought I'd write that.

All pictures courtesy of the BBC